Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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