STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
