loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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