Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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