i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
