i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
