i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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