WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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