i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
