Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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