how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
