i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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