I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
