pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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