I need to stop coming to work sober
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
