forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
