I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
