dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
