at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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