Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
too bad you live with your parents still
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
