I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
