She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
