I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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