using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
