i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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