I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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