Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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