i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
