i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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