Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
