..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
