Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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