Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
