The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
