MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
