And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
