are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
