i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
