whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
