I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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