I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
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