dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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