she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
