I skipped work to stalk him.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
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