Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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