So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
