He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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