This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.