Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard