How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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