Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
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These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying