Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
New York to be Host to Americaâ€™s Biggest Singles Event
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Kylie Jenner Wasnâ€™t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.