ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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