I wish my penis had an off switch
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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