I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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