If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
did i just pee glitter
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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