In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
