Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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