I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
