I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
