I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
