do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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