in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
God, you're like boner-b-gone
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
