***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
