my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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