Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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