You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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