OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just cut my nipple shaving
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
