i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
