You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
