I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
