3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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