I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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