Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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