You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
that may or may not have been my penis.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
