no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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