OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
