They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
