i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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