Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
